Yes, she broke my heart, and of all days, on Valentine’s day (You should know, it wasn’t my wife Shannon.) I’ve barely been able to sleep thinking about her situation. It’s four am right now. In fact, I’m fairly sure it triggered a really bad tension headache around ten last night. If anything, it was a divine appointment that I should meet her and miss one of my High Schooler’s baptism yesterday morning.
I wasn’t supposed to be where I was, and I surely wasn’t supposed to meet her like I did. It was an intervention from God like I had never experienced before. She walked up behind me and simply said, “I need to pray with someone”. I won’t mention her name. All I ask of you who may read this, is that you pray for her. Her situation is dire but I believe God tends to specialize in the dire. Like myself, she ran away from God at some point in life and like myself, God ran after her making Him the God that he is. She described it as God showing up out of nowhere after a few years of bad decisions. God does chase after us and she took much comfort in this.
She’s been married for a few years now and she came to Church yesterday morning, nervous to go back home. Her husband had threatened to divorce her if she started going back to church because as far as I could understand, he doesn’t believe in God and has no intentions of doing so either. I could tell that she dearly loved her husband, but that she had been put in the situation of choosing God or her husband. At the expense of an earthly loneliness, she chose God.
I felt led to tell her that she’s not alone and that she’s not the first to have ever of been through this kind of experience and with an outflow of tears she replied, “Really? Is this really true?” Again, she found comfort in knowing that she wasn’t alone. I began to realize that loneliness is what she was truly fighting. I Asked her about her family and friends and she assured me that they were the most supportive of people in the entire world. What she didn’t say verbally was that it wasn’t support enough because what she needed was to know was that God didn’t hate her.
I don’t know how I knew this, but I did so I awkwardly told her, “God doesn’t hate you. He loves you.” At this with anguish in her voice she said, “Are you sure?” I confidently replied, “Yes,” and instantly her face lit up. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. I can only describe it as God wrapping his arms around her, and her living into it. It was beautiful but disheartening all at the same time. I can’t imagine the fear of the unknowns she’s about to face, but there is one thing I’m certain of and one thing she was certain of.
More so, God broke my heart through her. It was intentional I believe. He exposes us to the hurting so that we can serve them and even more so, it shows us how good we’ve got it compared to someone else. I’m glad I don’t have to choose between the love of my life and God. God works through her on a daily basis.
I have a question for you. I’ll not give my answer because it’s between God and I. May we find comfort in the presence of God. We’re not alone, God doesn’t hate us, He does love us, and He chases after us even we choose to get caught up in the deepest muck.
What do you do when your only two options are conceivably being divorced, not of your own accord and choosing to follow God, or turning away from a God who has chased after you into your own muck?